By Russell Bruce
The English local elections are something of a mixed shopping bag of bananas. The Tories have slipped on bananas skins to the tune of 201 seats down, but can feel more assured about the 2015 election as Labour gains are below where Labour needs to be to win at the general election.
The blue skins can gain some comfort as it was their coalition partners who skidded on a shattering 284 banana skins.
There is clearly disappointment in Labour ranks. Miliband went on television, only to be stumped by having to acknowledge he did not know how many bananas made it into the Miliband shopping trolley. How much did the Milibands spend on bananas?
Just say you don’t know Ed. You’ll get caught out if you make a wild guess because the interviewer knows the answer and you don’t. Opps! Warned you. Skins everywhere. (Ed makes mental note to fire his banana special advisor).
Labour held on to the lampposts in London and Manchester, but it was a mixed result with the purple bananas slipping into North East and other Labour traditional banana lands in the North.
Beer swilling Banana Farage, a former stockbroker, was left holding great bunches of bananas from the north to home territory in the Home Counties.
Miliband says he understands – just not bananas. Jacob Rees Mogg, about as dark a blue banana as you will find anywhere, is muttering about pacts with the purple skins.
Meanwhile as the chattering bananas head for the autopsy room, the great British public yawn. Pass me another one of those purple bananas! Do they count as one of your five a day?
Oh! They are not genetically modified are they?
Editorial Note: No real bananas were hurt in the making of this article and accompanying graphics. Fair Trade bananas were used for the photography.